Blog | You Onstage - The Theater of Business

One of the most important moments in your presentation is the moment right before.

I used to live and work in the Theater District in NYC. I could attend a play, go home and get a snack during intermission, and be back in my seat for Act 2. So many transcendent moments, like Vanessa Redgrave uttering the last line in the play and NO ONE in the theater making a sound. For a long time. And then everyone on their feet with uproarious applause and cheers. Many curtain calls. A remarkable shared experience.

There are so many skills business professionals can learn from peak performers on the stage.

Here’s one that’s good to apply before making any kind of presentation, whether it’s a speech, a pitch, a sales call, or a job interview:

STOP AND GROUND YOURSELF BEFORE SPEAKING.

Actors don’t just rush on the stage and say their lines. They pause, get their bearings, tune in to what they’re about to say, and then….here’s their cue….enter!

I have often seen people forget this very important element. They may have written a killer speech, practiced in front of the mirror, role played with a bot, and made sure they didn’t have spinach in their teeth. But they did not stop and get “bottomed in”. Quit giggling – that’s an actor-y term you should know about!

Whether you are feeling confident or have that deer in the headlights look, always take a moment to “get grounded”. If you think you don’t have time to stop and do that before entering the room, I promise you – you do have time and it will be worth it.

Some suggestions:

* Think of the result you want from the interaction. Take a moment to visualize it going well and getting what you want.

* Vocal warm-ups – You can do these in your car or the bathroom (maybe check the stalls first!). I know a speaker who likes to warm up his voice by crowing like a rooster. Besides making me laugh uncontrollably, he does have a fine, resonant voice – so whatever works. There are many to choose from.

* Humming – Did you know that when you hum, it’s harder to feel stressed? There’s something about the sound and vibration that can cause a calming effect.

* Stretching – Doing some gentle stretches loosens up the tension in the body.

* Tongue Twisters – These improve articulation. “All I want is a proper cup of coffee made in a proper copper coffee pot. If I can’t have a proper coffee in a proper copper coffee pot, I’ll have a cup of tea.”

* And, the most important one…breathe. Deeply. When nervous, we often unconsciously hold our breath which only adds to the tension. There are many breathing techniques, such as inhaling slowly through your nose, holding for a few seconds, and exhaling slowly through your mouth.

Take a note from actors and try various grounding techniques – for that MOMENT BEFORE - to see which ones work best for you.

If you’d like some exercises for an upcoming situation, email me and let me know what you need. Happy to send over some specific ones for you.

Why is SPLIT-FOCUS an important persuasion skill?

Sometimes Split-Focus gets a bad rap. There is one school of thought that “To do two things at once is to do neither.” – Publilius Syrus (Latin writer 85-45 BC)

I’m not talking about multi-tasking.

I’m talking about the ability to pay attention to the words the other person is saying AND the meaning behind those words AND how to guide the conversation to get the result you want.

I’m the type of person who takes a photo and ends up with the lampshade and half a face. But experienced photographers often use a “split-focus shot” which allows both near and far objects to be in sharp focus simultaneously.

Or if you’re a sci-fi/fantasy nut like me, think of being in front of your very own space ship control panel. You’re scanning the instruments, monitoring more than one dial, seeing where you are right now, and also the direction you want to go.

In improv, split-focus is a core skill where you are trained to divide your attention. You learn to be fully present in the scene while simultaneously engaging with the other actors plus being aware of how the audience is responding.

So, no shade to Publilius, but using Split-Focus in a business conversation is integral to getting what you want. When you learn this high-level skill, it is not a distraction. It helps you adapt/be spontaneous with the intel you’re receiving in real-time, and gives you a broader perspective which often leads to the main issue underneath everything, as well as openings for innovations to occur.

Here’s a couple of exercises to try:

* The next time you’re in a restaurant, while perusing the menu AND paying attention to what your mates are saying, also notice the music. Noticing what all is going on in the room is part of being aware of more than one thing at a time.

* Practice talking with someone and keep switching your attention between their words, their tone and facial expressions, your body sensations, and the environment:

What words jump out when they say them? These are clues as to what’s important to them.
What are the sensations in your body? Is your breathing shallow or deep, is there tightness in your jaw? These signals help identify whether the conversation is going in the right direction or if you need to change tactics.
What's going on in the environment – sounds, temperature, visual distractions? These can affect the quality of the conversation. Sometimes just acknowledging them takes them out of the equation.
Are you having other thoughts while the person is talking? When your mind wanders, can you bring it back to the conversation immediately?
Are you able to say back to them what you just heard?

Sound like a lot? It does take intention and practice to train your brain to shift channels of information quickly. But it also transforms an interaction into one where you are more likely to get what you want by being able to track several threads at the same time.

The joke among comics – “You know the hardest part about comedy timing.” Yes, say that as a run-on sentence with no break to get the joke. Here’s how it should go – “You know the hardest part about comedy?” (a beat of silence) “Timing!”

How can you use this information the next time you deliver a presentation? Factor into your speech those highlight moments when you want the audience to take in what you just said. If you go on without letting them absorb the information or moment of inspiration, they won’t be able to go along on the journey with you. Practice allowing for that space until you get comfortable with it.

And it’s not useful only in speeches. There have been some sales calls where I forgot about the pause and kept blathering on when I just needed to shut up. I needed to give them a minute to ponder their yes or no. When I did respect that holy moment of silence, without fear that I would lose the sale, I was able to calmly navigate them through their concerns – because I was listening instead of talking.

Don’t fear that moment of silence. That pause. That moment for everyone to breathe. Make friends with it – and next time you are speaking, to one person or 500, try using some well-placed pauses and see how effective they are.

I was living in NYC when 9/11 happened. You could see the cloud over the city from my 31st floor apartment.

A few months later, I attended a benefit for those heroes – the firefighters – who rushed into the buildings when everyone else was trying to get out. The fire station across from my apartment lost 20 men.

It may seem strange that part of the benefit was a comedy show. But – even in the darkest of times – laughter has always been a healing force for individuals and communities. The show was going well and those heroes were feeling appreciated. Until one of the comedians said something that offended them. You could feel the room go cold. Here’s what the stand-up did – they kept going! Did not change one word of their planned set. It was the cringiest 10 minutes I’ve ever sat through.

Soon after, I was at another stand-up show at a well-known club on Broadway. This stand-up ALSO lost the audience. Something he said just wasn’t palatable to this group of people. But – he DID NOT KEEP GOING. He stopped and acknowledged that he lost them. He took responsibility in a light-hearted way. The audience felt noticed, heard, and respected. And soon they were back on his side. Only then did he continue with his routine.

Note to self: Pay attention to your impact when you are talking with others. They are constantly giving you information that lets you know if you need to stop for a moment and address the elephant in the room - or proceed.

Even AI admits that human-to-human reaction is still extremely important in the workplace.

I use AI and find it helpful. But since I teach soft skills to business professionals, I wanted to check in and see if AI is replacing us in this arena. What I found is that, in fact, there are many ways we might be even more valuable.

Here are just 3 examples from people I know:

Sales calls – One of my clients is learning to read the subtle clues people give you when you are trying to persuade them to buy your product. AI can detect patterns – such as if someone seems relaxed or stressed - but we may not be able to rely on its accurate interpretation due to the wide variety of human responses. A human can notice the way a face changes, if the breath goes deeper in their body, if the eyes light up, if they feel a connection – clues that are integral to navigating the sales process.

Customer satisfaction – Another client, in the fashion industry, is noticing a rise in unhappy customers when they have to deal with AI instead of a real person. AI is still often following a formula – and people aren’t formulas. Sometimes they change their mind! And sometimes they just want to chat in a free-flowing way about what kind of jeans they should buy.

Project management – A client in change management emphasized to me that he can get AI to help write a proposal but he, human, still has to engage with other humans to persuade them to go along with his ideas. Because he has built trust and credibility in the relationships with his team, they are more likely to accept the new strategy. Even though AI is aiming to simulate human emotions like empathy, it still cannot feel it. Humans have a shared experience that is irreplaceable.

So thanks, AI, for all you are bringing to the table. Looking forward to working TOGETHER with you and seeing where this adventure goes.

Next time I want to persuade someone to buy into my ideas, I’m first going to try looking at them with a clear lens.

If you’ve ever been to Austin, Texas, no matter what venue you may find yourself in, there will often be a portrait hanging on the wall of one of its most colorful residents – Willie Nelson. What’s interesting is it’s the same person but each painter saw him from a different perspective.

It got me thinking – how often do I look at someone through my own filter and miss who they really are? If I set aside my opinions, judgements, and pre-conceived notions - and look at them with curiosity ( a truly high-level skill that is often misunderstood) - I can see them more clearly and follow the clues they’re giving me. These clues, especially the subtle unspoken ones, are invaluable in guiding me how to better present my case.

I don’t want to make the mistake of missing those “Little things I should have said and done, I just never took the time.” (as sung by Willie) Sometimes those "little things" that you did NOT miss are the very ones that give you a successful outcome.

If you’re a shy introvert, like me, but want to have your own business – which means you have to sell – it can sometimes be uncomfortable. Those with extraordinary skill in the art of reading people and connecting with them start finding that selling is not so scary. Here’s what I learned and use on a daily basis:

* Instead of thinking that you are making a sales call, think what you can do to make their day. Everyone is busy and overwhelmed with all the incoming, so try to be a light-hearted breath of fresh air. You will stand out from the crowd!

* I once met a retired salesman who still had former clients stop by and call him. I asked him his secret – he said he just made friends. It really is all about connecting – almost like human to human! Not just sales caller to sales prospect.

* If you are truly curious about them and what they really want, they will give you all the clues you need to either be the right product or service – or be able to connect them with someone you know would serve their needs better. Guess what? I don’t always make the sale but, by being in service, they often remember me later and refer me to someone who needs what I offer.

When you approach selling from this perspective, the funny thing that happens is you also feel better at the end of the day!

No? Maybe you’re a bot? Most of us humans have Limiting Beliefs, at least from time to time.

I’m kinda tired of all the razzing about Limiting Beliefs. What if there are some gifts from them? I have found that whatever I resist, persists. (see my post about hang-gliding). So here’s what I do when one of my LB’s show up:

· I don’t try to sweep it under the rug. I take it out and look closely. Maybe I’m operating from some old history and it’s time for an update. But I’ll never know if I’m not willing to face it head on.

· I remember how important humbleness and empathy is. So if I can show a little of that to myself, no matter how I screwed up, I can sure show it to others. This shared experience is an integral part of connecting with other humans.

· I get curious about what intel might be trying to get through to me. Maybe there is a better path for me if I’m willing to stop comparing myself to others and let go of how I think I should be.

· As a genuine introvert but – cosmic joke!– also a speaker and performer, I have had to embrace my shyness (LB alert)and find my own delivery style. This means I am not copying anyone else and ends up being more effective.

· I get to poke fun at myself. Ah…my lifelong mantra: “Happy are those who can laugh at themselves. They will never cease to be amused.” This can take the sting out of most LB’s. And be an example of light-heartedness to those around you.

Try embracing your Limiting Beliefs. Maybe there’s a gift for you!

This is what the winners did at the audition (you can apply this to any job interview):

* They immediately connected with me as a fellow human being and not as someone desperate to make a good impression.

* Their attention was not on themselves. You could see they were curious about me, the project, life.

* They brought in a bright, light energy. It made me want to work with them. What is the vibe you send into the room when you enter?

* They clearly had studied and rehearsed the part they were auditioning for. Did you research the company to understand their mission, values, and culture?

* They were able to be spontaneous. They were present. You don’t have to be an improv actor to be in the moment. This is a skill anyone can learn and helps you pick up and respond to surprising cues.

* Performers don’t just enter the stage and say their first line without pausing, taking a breath, grounding themselves, and imagining the outcome they want. You can do the same before a job interview.

Maui – Jumping off Mt. Haleakala at 10,300 ft. in a tandem hang glider. Almost didn’t go because the wind was so strong. Once in the air, very turbulent. I thought this was my day to die! As we were being tossed violently around, I remembered watching birds in a storm. They were buffeted about but didn’t fight against the wind. They went with it. I decided to be a bird. I quit thinking that the logical reaction is panic and just relaxed. Later, Armin told me he was worried he would have to handle our rather perilous situation AND my hysteria. When he looked over and saw I was calm, he was able to give his full attention to navigating us to a safe landing. I have used this experience MANY times in my business – I can choose to be in turmoil or relax into what’s happening. I sometimes still pick the first one (slow learner - ha!) but HIGHLY recommend the latter!

Be honest - when you're talking to someone, are you thinking about:

A. What you're going to say next.

B. How soon you can end this interaction.

C. Judging them (as Tony DiNozzo from N.C.I.S. said, "Put down the gavel, take off your robe and quit judging!")

D. Whether you're having Flamin' Hot Cheetos or a salad for lunch.

E. None of the above - I'm a saint!

If you picked A, B, C or D, try this for 1 week (even if you picked E, it’s still fun):

When someone is talking, just listen. Only ask them about what they just said. Don't say anything about yourself, your experience with the topic, or your opinion. For example, if they say "I really like Colorado", instead of saying, "Me too", ask them what they like about it. If they say, "I love the mountain air and hiking", instead of saying "Yeah, the last time I was there...blah, blah, blah", ask them where they went hiking, if there were any bears, what kind of boots they wore, etc.

Apply this no matter what the topic is. If they are complaining, don't agree with them. Don't disagree or try to cheer them up. Be curious by truly listening to everything they say. You might accidentally help them discover what is really bothering them!

If they have a problem to solve, keep asking them questions and delve deeper into their answer. Just this once, see if by listening intently and not trying to fix their problem for them, they come up with an amazing solution. They will be happy and also might think you are brilliant!

You know what? You were just FOCUSED and RELAXED at the same time! I promise you - it's very relaxing to listen in a focused, curious way. It's actually fun and entertaining!!