Blog | You Onstage - The Theater of Business

I was living in NYC when 9/11 happened. You could see the cloud over the city from my 31st floor apartment.

A few months later, I attended a benefit for those heroes – the firefighters – who rushed into the buildings when everyone else was trying to get out. The fire station across from my apartment lost 20 men.

It may seem strange that part of the benefit was a comedy show. But – even in the darkest of times – laughter has always been a healing force for individuals and communities. The show was going well and those heroes were feeling appreciated. Until one of the comedians said something that offended the firefighters. You could feel the room go cold. Here’s what the stand-up did – they kept going! Did not change one word of their planned set. It was the cringiest 10 minutes I’ve ever sat through.

Soon after, I was at another stand-up show at a well-known club on Broadway. This stand-up ALSO lost the audience. Something he said just wasn’t palatable to this group of people. But – he DID NOT KEEP GOING. He stopped and acknowledged that he lost them. He took responsibility in a light-hearted way. The audience felt noticed, heard, and respected. And soon they were back on his side. Only then did he continue with his routine.

Note to self: Pay attention to your impact when you are talking with others. They are constantly giving you information that let’s you know if you need to stop for a moment and address the elephant in the room - or proceed.

If you’re a shy introvert, like me, but want to have your own business – which means you have to sell – it can sometimes be uncomfortable. Those with extraordinary skill in the art of reading people and connecting with them start finding that selling is not so scary. Here’s what I learned and use on a daily basis:

* Instead of thinking that you are making a sales call, think what you can do to make their day. Everyone is busy and overwhelmed with all the incoming, so try to be a light-hearted breath of fresh air. You will stand out from the crowd!

* I once met a retired salesman who still had former clients stop by and call him. I asked him his secret – he said he just made friends. It really is all about connecting – almost like human to human! Not just sales caller to sales prospect.

* If you are truly curious about them and what they really want, they will give you all the clues you need to either be the right product or service – or be able to connect them with someone you know would serve their needs better. Guess what? I don’t always make the sale but, by being in service, they often remember me later and refer me to someone who needs what I offer.

When you approach selling from this perspective, the funny thing that happens is you also feel better at the end of the day!

No? Maybe you’re a bot? Most of us humans have Limiting Beliefs, at least from time to time.

I’m kinda tired of all the razzing about Limiting Beliefs. What if there are some gifts from them? I have found that whatever I resist, persists. (see my post about hang-gliding). So here’s what I do when one of my LB’s show up:

· I don’t try to sweep it under the rug. I take it out and look closely. Maybe I’m operating from some old history and it’s time for an update. But I’ll never know if I’m not willing to face it head on.

· I remember how important humbleness and empathy is. So if I can show a little of that to myself, no matter how I screwed up, I can sure show it to others. This shared experience is an integral part of connecting with other humans.

· I get curious about what intel might be trying to get through to me. Maybe there is a better path for me if I’m willing to stop comparing myself to others and let go of how I think I should be.

· As a genuine introvert but – cosmic joke!– also a speaker and performer, I have had to embrace my shyness (LB alert)and find my own delivery style. This means I am not copying anyone else and ends up being more effective.

· I get to poke fun at myself. Ah…my lifelong mantra: “Happy are those who can laugh at themselves. They will never cease to be amused.” This can take the sting out of most LB’s. And be an example of light-heartedness to those around you.

Try embracing your Limiting Beliefs. Maybe there’s a gift for you!

This is what the winners did at the audition (you can apply this to any job interview):

* They immediately connected with me as a fellow human being and not as someone desperate to make a good impression.

* Their attention was not on themselves. You could see they were curious about me, the project, life.

* They brought in a bright, light energy. It made me want to work with them. What is the vibe you send into the room when you enter?

* They clearly had studied and rehearsed the part they were auditioning for. Did you research the company to understand their mission, values, and culture?

* They were able to be spontaneous. They were present. You don’t have to be an improv actor to be in the moment. This is a skill anyone can learn and helps you pick up and respond to surprising cues.

* Performers don’t just enter the stage and say their first line without pausing, taking a breath, grounding themselves, and imagining the outcome they want. You can do the same before a job interview.

Maui – Jumping off Mt. Haleakala at 10,300 ft. in a tandem hang glider. Almost didn’t go because the wind was so strong. Once in the air, very turbulent. I thought this was my day to die! As we were being tossed violently around, I remembered watching birds in a storm. They were buffeted about but didn’t fight against the wind. They went with it. I decided to be a bird. I quit thinking that the logical reaction is panic and just relaxed. Later, Armin told me he was worried he would have to handle our rather perilous situation AND my hysteria. When he looked over and saw I was calm, he was able to give his full attention to navigating us to a safe landing. I have used this experience MANY times in my business – I can choose to be in turmoil or relax into what’s happening. I sometimes still pick the first one (slow learner - ha!) but HIGHLY recommend the latter!

Be honest - when you're talking to someone, are you thinking about:

A. What you're going to say next.

B. How soon you can end this interaction.

C. Judging them (as Tony DiNozzo from N.C.I.S. said, "Put down the gavel, take off your robe and quit judging!")

D. Whether you're having Flamin' Hot Cheetos or a salad for lunch.

E. None of the above - I'm a saint!

If you picked A, B, C or D, try this for 1 week (even if you picked E, it’s still fun):

When someone is talking, just listen. Only ask them about what they just said. Don't say anything about yourself, your experience with the topic, or your opinion. For example, if they say "I really like Colorado", instead of saying, "Me too", ask them what they like about it. If they say, "I love the mountain air and hiking", instead of saying "Yeah, the last time I was there...blah, blah, blah", ask them where they went hiking, if there were any bears, what kind of boots they wore, etc.

Apply this no matter what the topic is. If they are complaining, don't agree with them. Don't disagree or try to cheer them up. Be curious by truly listening to everything they say. You might accidentally help them discover what is really bothering them!

If they have a problem to solve, keep asking them questions and delve deeper into their answer. Just this once, see if by listening intently and not trying to fix their problem for them, they come up with an amazing solution. They will be happy and also might think you are brilliant!

You know what? You were just FOCUSED and RELAXED at the same time! I promise you - it's very relaxing to listen in a focused, curious way. It's actually fun and entertaining!!